My Say What Blog Archives - Page 40 of 55

Feb 15th Death Clean – A Warning For Everyone!

Boy do I have a tale to tell. Death Clean is a phrase that may not be familiar to you. First the sad part, a loved one passed away the end of January. His journey was a tough one, a few months ago his cancer returned

with a vengeance! So at least now he is in a better place, pain-free where he can look down on the love of his life for over 60 years. She won’t miss him as she has Alzheimer’s and it broke his heart when he was living. Cancer may have been the cause of death, but we know he died of a broken heart having to put her in a memory care facility for her own protection and best interests. Alzheimers is an insidious disease.

That being said, I want to bring your attention to what may be a jarring phrase to many of you, “death cleaning.” It’s about getting rid of excess rather than leaving the situation for your heirs to sort out. I want to apply this to homes, vehicles, as well as, finances. Searching through mounds of paperwork, clothing, a lifetime of knick-nacks, and treasured keepsakes is not a fun task, especially when you have only a limited time and budget. A lost vehicle title, keys to a safe deposit box, missing deed to a home make the necessary decisions tough at a time when your heart is just not in it. Make it easier on everyone.

Death clean your possessions. Throw out what you don’t need. A life time of stuff is difficult for someone else to deal with, not to mention dispose of.

Death Clean your finances. Organizing and simplifying our financial lives can make things easier for us while we’re alive and lessen the burden for our survivors when we’re not. Believe me hunting for accounts, whether bank accounts or credit cards is an arduous task, to say the least, when you are not familiar with the town or the individual’s day to day routine or habits. Without the proper paperwork allowing access, expensive attorney fees can be accrued as you try to settle an estate. Don’t put your loved one’s through this.

Consolidate accounts. It’s easier to monitor for suspicious transactions and overlapping investments, plus it could save you money as you age. When you are no longer on this earth, it’s much easier for heirs to collect and close out accounts without fear of having some hanging out there ripe for fraud after your death.

Automatic payments – lapses in memory can lead to missed payments, late fees and credit score damage when you are alive. It’s so much easier for your heirs to follow your financial trail, ensuring that things like real estate taxes, utilities, and credit cards are current. Having a list of these items also makes it easier to shut down accounts.

Set up a watchdog (trusted person). Identify whom you want making decisions for you if you’re incapacitated or upon your death. Keep it up dated. This way should circumstances change, necessary adjustments can be made prior to it becoming an urgent matter. Verify the information that you are giving that person is correct.

I can’t emphasize enough the importance of having an “in case of emergency” file and letting your trusted person know where this is located. Included in this file should be:

Your will or living trust,

Medical directives, powers of attorney, living wills,

Birth, death and marriage certificates,

Military records,

Social Security cards,

Car titles, property deeds and other ownership papers,

Insurance policies,

List of your financial accounts, and

Information where to find your attorney, tax pro, financial adviser and insurance agent.

Warning: keeping these items in a safe deposit box may not be the best course of action. Your trusted person may need access to these documents outside of bank hours or may have trouble accessing the box at first. An alternative is a fireproof safe or locking file cabinet. Make sure to share with your trusted person the combination or key.

I hope this post is helpful and saves others from going through what my family has experienced. If you have additional suggestions, please feel free to comment!

Posted in My Say What Blog and tagged Alzheimers, death, Death Clean, estate, financial, incapacitated, trusts, Warning by Tena Stetler with 3 comments.

Jan 15th Make Today So Awesome Yesterday Gets Jealous!

Today, one hopes that with age comes wisdom, maybe a gentler nature and understanding. This year my Mantra is Stay Positive, Believe in Yourself and Stay Motivated. A lot of people seem to be headed in the same direction, which to my thinking is a good thing!

A facebook post by Jacqueline Jayne, really hit home. I copied part of it and thought I’d save it, but alas, I am unable to find the original post which went something like this. To all my female friends of “age”…
Most of us are going through the next stage of our lives. We are at that age where we see the wrinkles, gray hair, extra pounds. We see the pretty 25-year-olds and sigh. But we were once 25 too, just like they will one day be our age. What they bring to the table with their youth and zest for life, we bring with our wisdom, experience and good hearts. For all we’ve been through earning each gray hair… raising kids, bills and ills and whatever else life brought you/us over the 30s, 40’s, 50’s, we are survivors… we are warriors… we are women. We’re like a classic car or fine wine — while our exterior may not be what it once was, it is traded for our spirit, our courage, and our strength to enter this chapter of our lives with grace and pride for all we’ve been through, accomplished and yet to accomplish!
Never feel bad about aging. It is a privilege denied to many. We are still here, we can make a difference.

I say way to go girl!

Today be Positive – First off, I gotta quit reading and watching the news. LOL Next, I can’t let negative thought or feelings drain my energy. Finally, it’s better to focus on all the good in my life, letting it guild my thoughts, feelings and words. In my thinking, if we all do our best to banish negativity to the outer edges of the universe, that should leave more room in the world for positivity. Don’t you think?

Today Believe in Yourself – Dare to Dream! These three words are written on the top of my pink laptop computer. This is why I am where I am today. I didn’t give up, rose to the challenge to become a published author. In this industry or just about any industry, it’s tough to maintain belief in yourself, especially when some are intent in tearing you down, but I’m determined to do it. How about you?

Today Stay Motivated. This was never a problem for me. I am a determined, motivated person with a very competitive spirit. Recently, I discovered that it’s all well and good, IF you don’t let it turn negative when you don’t get what you were after. Learn to roll with the punches, get up dust yourself off and say “I did my best” and be happy about it. This is my challenge. What is yours?

Remember you really only have three choices in life: Give up, give in, or give it all you got! I’m going to give it all I got. What will you do?

Posted in My Say What Blog and tagged Believe in Yourself, Stay Motivated, Stay Positive by Tena Stetler with 3 comments.

Jan 2nd New Year’s Resolutions – Make Them or Not?

Happy New Year!! New Year Resolutions?

Now there’s a dilemma. In 2017 I made what I thought was attainable resolutions, as I normally do. However, toward the end of the year due to a family member’s unexpected ongoing illness, making those goals was tough. I barely made my 50,000 words in November for Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo. I did muddle through making my word counts, deadlines and projects as planned, but it was tough.

I guess I’ve been lucky in that I am a planner and the plans I set in stone happen as expected. Toward the end of 2017, for the first time, I learned that setting long term plans and goals can be fraught with problems. Life throws curve balls that you cannot imagine until it happens.

Ever the optimist, I did make reservations for 2018 camping trips, with the knowledge that cancelling them is a possibility. The alternative of no camping reservations is unthinkable.

I have discovered that I don’t work well with the unknown. I like to have it nailed down and know where I’m going and how I’m going to get there. Which is probably why I’ve usually created my new year’s resolutions with an eye to my plans for the entire new year. Yeah, going to back that off a bit.

So here it goes. My 2018 resolutions:

Write 5,000 to 7,000 words each week.

Finish the edits for fourth book in A Demon’s Witch Series in time for a springtime release.

Finish the fifth book in A Demon’s Witch Series and the complete the sequel to Charm Me.

Finish a rough draft of my romantic suspense – book one. There will be three books in this series.

Take more time for myself and my companion animals. I did pretty good on that goal last year, but going to do better this year.

Read and enjoy more books than last year.

Think before I blurt out statements that are better left unsaid, making me a kinder, gentler person.

Clean out the closets and give away the clothes we don’t wear anymore. It’s time. LOL

Spend more time actually talking to people rather than letting my fingers do the talking. (More verbal communication and less electronic) LOL

Exercise more! This is a tough one for me that’s why I’m not setting a specific goal trying for 3 times a week.

How about you? What resolutions will you make for 2018? Did you make your 2017 goals? Or if you don’t make resolutions, why not. Leave your answers in the comments, please. Welcome to 2018, what I wild ride it may be!

Posted in My Say What Blog and tagged 2018 goals, Authors, Long Term Goals, New Year, Resolutions, Word Count, writing by Tena Stetler with 4 comments.

Dec 11th Mystery of the Missing Christmas Lighting Display

As Christmas approaches one family tradition is to drive the neighborhoods enjoying the Christmas lighting displays everyone puts up. The last few years there have been less and less. I understand, as our own lighting display has been downsized.

Last year many around our area protested a utilities rate hike in November set to reap the benefits of those who put up Christmas lighting displays. Yes, sadly we were one of those, since the year before our December utility bill had been a lot higher than in previous years. We couldn’t afford another huge increase, and the deliberate timing of the hike was deliberately grinchy, so we put up only the minimal lighting display. It was a sad year for enjoying Christmas lights displays.

This year, the rate hike will be put off until January as in previous years, except last year. Wise decision utilities department. The lightening displays have returned, and ours included.

The real point of this post is for many years, we watched a certain home in our area add to his homemade Christmas display and looked forward to seeing what had been added each year. It was not religious in nature, but fun. There were Peanuts characters, then Tweety Bird & its companions, Little Mermaid, the Grinch, Disney Characters, Winnie the Pooh and pals, just to name a few, all homemade. Spotlights illumined the display. Suddenly about four years ago, not only were there no new characters, but the display disappeared entirely. Each Christmas we checked, still the house was dark, no sign of the previously wonderful Christmas light and character display. Had they moved, after all this is a military town, people come and go a lot? Was there a family illness or emergency that caused the display to go missing? While we reveled in the other fantastic lighting displays, we were saddened as we drove past the dark house checking each year.

No we never knew the people who lived in that house. But we felt a connection to them watching the display grow year after year.

Last night, December 10, 2017, we clambered into our truck, hot chocolate in hand, to go check out the neighborhood Christmas lights. With trepidation we turned the corner where the darkened house had been for several years. Lo and behold, in all its previous glory the Christmas lights and beloved characters were on the front lawn, house and roof. We were ecstatic to see the house lit up once again, the Peanuts merry-go-round spinning slowly, all the other cartoon characters smiling broadly. No new characters, but that was alright because the decorations were back.

We took pictures, and decided to share the beloved display with you. Funny how one thing can brighten your spirits as that house did ours last night. This year I believe we will go back to that house and knock on their door and tell them how much we have enjoyed their display throughout the years. Also how much we missed it when it was gone. Christmas lighting is a time consuming, expensive endeavored and a labor of love. To those of you who set up Christmas displays year after year, THANK YOU!